I am saying all of this so that women might direct their energy in a smarter way and with more efficiency. Why would he want to keep in touch yet not tell me how he feels about me?? If you can't help but put all your eggs in one basket and you find yourself dropping everything when you meet someone who might just be your one and only, then you should NEVER initiate contact. In fact, what they need has nothing to do with sex. Until they are practically exclusive? There were only a couple of times that he texted me to ask questions, but never to just say hi. We are very often guilty of making decisions on emotion alone, without really giving things proper thought or consideration first. "Those who are single intend to stay that way, as they see their early twenties as a time they'd like to have fun. Is it possible he went off me and met someone else in that 3 day gap? "I think you are doing it right. I also appreciate the timing of this post. "The hurdle is her appearance and personality" This may be the case in establishing attraction but once dating has begun in earnest--- tests or hurdles actually test that personality of hers for its authenticity and weakness. They have the confidence and dare I say fearlessness to engage with men (or women, if the securely attached person is a man). Other than that women don't need to do a thing. What to do when your ex responds to texts but never initiates 1. The only thing different among friends is proximity, which doesn't affect the principle; it just increases the opportunities the guy has to initiate.I am going to write a separate post about dealing with shy guys, because I acknowledge that this post overlooks them somewhat. While smart Women test men for dishonesty- ability to delay gratification, lack of confidence, emotional weakness, disloyalty, lack of clarity, no ambition, and insensitivity,-- The hurdles the self assured male puts in front of the female he is interested in test to detect-- insecurity, paranoia, excessive jealousy,excessive vanity, passive aggressive tendencies, and gas lighting-or-manipulative tendencies. I am not saying all of this so that women can now justify bombarding a non interested man with value-taking texts. Not to mention we agreed when first we met that if we weren't interested we would tell each other up front. Not initiating contact is not a game; a woman isn't deceiving a man by letting him initiate, she is simply putting up a filter that let's her understand who really likes her and who doesn't. (I also blocked my dating profile from new people as had a lot of upsets on it and I told him this). Both sexes need to be comfortable with "rejection. Remember, initiate means to cause an action or process to begin. xD Ignoring that little fact, let's say that women "on a whole" actually preferred this "stable relationship" thing. Maybe less than girls, but I can't count the number of times my guy friends either complain about or be confused by how long a girl takes to reply.I will write a post about how you should text a guy. I've been hurt so many timesHe's the perfect man for me so far and I'm scaredShould I just have let him initiate the second meeting? Man this situation sucks. Well, sometimes, men call very often. "how are those initial meetings supposed to happen? Do you agree with this? You really have to think about why that is. Is it legitimate for a guy to expect girls to approach? However in my past, I've learned that if the guy likes me he will text me first. dont want their crush to get bored with them, by watching this free videoby James Bauer, Heres a link to the excellent video again. Generally, girls that work out a lot lose their curves, aka smaller breasts/butt. I'm looking forward to the "shy guys" post as well! However I forgot to get her number.We share many mutual friends on Facebook and I don't expect her to initiate. That is always incidental. Cheers.There is little free thinking at all.No BS and Millionaire Circle written well, thanks for the info When I click on your RS feed it puts up a whole lot of unformulated HTML, is the problem on my end.Thank you so much, great post! I am an Indian female and I am on the Indian matrimonial websites. QUIZ TIME: Are you truly living in your feminine energy? There are too many men now a days giving away their masculinity. "if a guy says he prefers women to approach, I think he's a) shy, b) has few options and is sick of approaching girls. So its now wed and no response yet but I can tell when he was last in this dating site. I'll post it eventually. The solution to never chasing a man is not to be passive! He's made updates on fb through his phone. In this program, you will learn the 5 secrets to have your chosen man fall madly in love with you and beg you to be his one and only woman. As the one who wrote here, even if she had initiated and they would have ended up a a couple, he would still not have enough confidence to approach women. When they were growing up, they learned that almost nothing involving closeness and attachment is safe, nor worth the vulnerability or risk. But then I moved to Sweden! My experience is that if a girl initiates contact, she's sending the wrong signals. According to James Bauer, men dont actually need a lot to feel content in their relationships. Ask other male friends for their opinion of your hair next time too - just as a cross-check; I wouldn't be surprised if you get really good feedback though. From my experience women are naturals when it comes to putting up the hurdles (because they are taught that they are the prize) but when they themselves are confronted with a few hurdles to leap from their prospective MAN they usually say WTF--"That`s not the kind of man I am looking for" In effect they are unwilling and unable to pass the very tests that they put the men up to. Is your man hiding something? Here are the top reasons why he isn't taking the initiative: He's hyper focused on the task in front of him. Gradually escalate how much physical contact you have with him, eye contact, etc. There should be a dropdown menu under your reply dialog box for various "Reply as" options. There are many men out there who are really shy and afraid of being rejected by a woman. We're not gonna use u to make someone jealous or cuz u have money, etc. I agree with this to a certain extent, although I think that a lot of woman think that it is ok for them to exert practically no effort at all and expect the man to do all of the work. I know that a lot of women fear that they wont be feminine enough if they show any interest to a man, or initiate in any way. Anyway, I really don't want to go through all the stress and frustration in trying to figure him out anymore when he most likely doesn't even think about it at all! (As long as he hasnt already rejected you in the past). Feminine confidence for the win!Runder, "There is a danger of losing a guy like this by putting up too many hurdles and discouraging him"Any plans for a post on the hard to get subject? Could be he likes to chase a girl but at the same time could be he thinks I'm being very unavailable and I actually likes him a lot and don't want to lose him. We've had sex, I've let him initiate all the way. Guys keep telling me they love girls who initiate contact, girls say they've had success doing it. (maybe they do do that. So I hope What I am doing is right. No one can really answer how fit is too fit. Walked me to my car, told me he had a great a time and. but then I got nervous and sadI didn't know when i would see him againso I told him I had to go :(He was about to tell me when I could see him againand I cut him off. But some men like athletic bodies and others like the voluptuous type. It feels by that point it would be ok. Andrew, what about the guys these days who try and 'bait' you into chasing them? Hi guys a friend of mine introduced me to his friend thinking that we would match. However, if you can never bring yourself to initiate in real life or in online dating (due to fear), then youll never fix the core issue of feeling deeply insecure. Then again, it is different for everyone and looks aren't everything.Do not ask your friends how attractive you are. he went alone and after he came back he texted me again. However, I once did meet my type of guy, with whom I was able to get 3 dates. Furthermore I dated also hundreds of girls.I did not have time to read the comments, but i don't agree fully with your text.I agree with the sentence that you should watch after a guys actions instead of words. Sorry, maybe someone else has asked, or whatever, but does this only pertain to initial contact? Wow. "Too much pressure. You don't have to know your league on that level. but don't be a slut about it. But could maybe use more advice on being fun and approachable! If you liked this article, CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Just be yourself, not needy, look good, be fun..the rules are bullsh*t. But what if a woman just wants to have sex? did nt even know he was going to join. Of course, its also extremely important to give yourself the permission to learn and have your own journey. As a hot woman who has wasted a lot of time, I can attest that men's intentions are usually not good. If you're in a public space, outside of a customer context, and a man starts talking to you out the blue, you can safely assume that he's interested in you. Your energy should be put in the right places. I have spotted a cute guy at school (I'm in uni), we have a couple of classes together, he sits with his friends on the opposite side of the room, I've never spoken to him. I love when a girl comes after me, then I know she's interested cuz too many girls wanna play games and lie. Yeah, I would say it's your turn. Now: you can give him some reassurance, but make sure that at some point, he will get over it and finally give you the signs that he is into you, too! I wonder if things would have ended differently had he initiated interest or maybe he genuinely did not like me that much (whether or not I initiated interest). It's worse if he was into you before and now he is losing interest. In it, hell reveal simple phrases and texts you can use to make your man truly yours. I have told him I won't keep doing it and he has said he prefers a girl to initiate things. And the girl writing said her friend was approached by men "on every street corner" and she felt a lot less attractive etc. Do you think how likely people are to follow this "rule" varies with their background? Should girls -never- initiate contact, or is there a threshold after which it's ok? No the best indicator is emotional investment and look for the actions a guy performs. We'd been dating for a month and I really liked him. The boy contacting you for more dates clearly indicates his interest in you. Anyway, I think if a guy is after you for sex sometimes he doesn't care, and will keep trying because he cares so little he doesn't care if he gets rejected. I want to of course write him while he's gone and check or text him so he'll think about methat's what I want to do. But some players also meet up with you after all, they want to seal the deal. It is not like getting a grade in school or something. If not, then you have to back of and accept that he isn't interested. Anyway, regardless of the conditions I would react in the same way: be completely casual and blase. Clearly, women are confusing chasing with initiating. Maybe only women feel that way? Rules,You seem to be advocating a world in which women would ignore, or do their best to appear to ignore, any and all men who might be interested in them until one of those men makes that cold approach. P.S. Eventually guy friends get into relationships and start hanging more with their girlfriendsget marriedhave kidsstop chilling with girls they aren't datingdo on guys nights. It just started becoming second nature. "It is more or less impossible to know. "Once I started getting the reps and start feeling more comfortable with the free throw line, my team trusts me to make big free throws in games. You slightly mentioned it:"Someone who will actually agree to a relationship or even marriage, only to change his mind months or years later when he realizes he wants someone he considers better"Meaning that guys take what is given to them easily. man let me just leave you some of my advice: if you think she is the type of girl who would initiate contact with a guy she likes then, she doesn't like you. HE should chase you, right? 2. It's drafted, along with a number of others. So you text can be totally misleading. What do you think? So now I'm left wondering: did I damage this not-yet-a-relationship beyond repair? Men that say they dislike abs on women might like bigger breasts and curvy figure, round butt. I have a on of questions I could ask and im going to try not to ask all of them but first and foremost is how do I know what league I am in? I am going out with friends, living my life, and I hope when gets back he'll call, text me or email me and we will go out, but he'll have to initate it which lets me know that he really wants to. He's slow moving in courtship. Author of many Genres - Winner of several Book Awards. I know it's not "advice" but can you give any general advice when a guy initiates dating after an ons? Heres a link to the excellent video again. Not horribly long, but I might take some time figuring out what to say, sometimes I just leave it for a bit if I'm busy with something else.Do guys think about this? Initiating contact is needed when communicate with shy or introvert guy. This works out great because oftentimes she is to busy responding to his chase and monitoring the results of her own tests to realize that she is even being tested at all. It's really gone past the stage where I doubt his interest in me, now I think he's just being difficult. OR do you wait for him to make another date? If he in fact likes you, this speaks volumes about his character. Should I take into consideration how long he takes in determining his interest? People simply don't talk to each other if alcool is not involved, maybe that's why Stockholm is the city with most singles in the world. Like first time meeting, etc? He was comparing himself to his friend and asked if we had sex and I said NO and its like he wants to make sure he wont get hurt maybe? If this is the case, then its best if you figure out where you stand with him. Of course there will be men who don't find me attractive, but I think I can have a type of appearance which appeals to a large amount of men. I think you've covered well how to be "sexier." I guess I don't understand your question. Its called subtle signalling. Mostly this article is all gross generalisation. And although a lot of guys look at me, few actually takes the initiative in daily life (in class). Then, the guys that are going to do that are the nice guys and good guys. Or sometimes they really don't care at all, and just move on to the next one. - the things that make a guy want to approach her. Which adds another reason not to initiate contact with a guy: they always get the wrong idea. social phobia and is afraid of rejection. I then also made a friend in the city who seemed pretty eager to be in a relationship, so I told her I had the perfect guy for her. I will not do a total cold approach in any situation and I will not escalate without any encouraging feedback.So yeah, the difference between 'being approachable' and 'initiating contact' is too muddy. They are calling it a game changer!). Be honest and tell him that youre worried about him and that you think he might be having a hard time trying to make a move on you. I haven't physically seen him since April (not his fault though). So if youre ready to take that plunge and reach new heights in your relationship, make sure to check out relationship expert James Bauers invaluable advice. When a mans inner hero is triggered, hes more likely to commit to you. You're talking about one type of men amongst many, but saying ALL men are like this? So we were texting once a day as he cant do that from work much (has to use his phone). CLICK HERE to download this special report. Chasing a man means youre trying to extract value and youre not at all attuned to him. So perhaps the word hunt is the incorrect word to use.). 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